


When My Untold Love Blooms Inside My Chest

by jiayoo



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, Mention of blood, Unrequited Love, hanahaki, major death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:26:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29841489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiayoo/pseuds/jiayoo
Summary: "I never knew I could feel so much pain, yet be so in love."
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Yoohyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	When My Untold Love Blooms Inside My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. (©Google)
> 
> Since it is a fiction disease, my description about hanahaki will be fiction as well. If you have read any hanahaki ff, you know this is a heavy angst.
> 
> Ps. The prompt was suggested by anon from my cc. 
> 
> twt: yoosjian  
> cc: https://curiouscat.qa/jiayou

As a child, Yoohyeon loves to wonder about random things, even the things that a kid shouldn't think yet. At such young age, she wondered how does it feel loving someone-romantically, of course. Same goes with her one and only bestfriend, Bora.

"Bora, do you think it's possible for someone to live without love?" The six years old Yoohyeon asked.

Bora who was nine years old that time, asked back, "How would I know? I'm not old enough to know that."

"I don't think the age is necessary when it comes to having knowledge over something, you can figure it when you find a way." The younger stated confidently.

"Silly, some things aren't appropriate for children like us." Bora chuckled as she messed Yoohyeon's hair.

"Fine but... when will I find the love of my life? I can't wait to treat them as if they're my everything!"

"Yooh, you shouldn't think about that, not yet." The older rolled her eyes, "You should study first."

"I'm just expressing myself." Yoohyeon pouted, "How about you? Don't you want to find the person you love?"

"Stop pouting, you're not cute!" Bora joked, "I already found mine."

"Huh!? Spill!"

"Joke, it's just a silly crush it's not love." Bora sticked her tongue out to annoy her friend, "But why are you asking me if someone can live without love?" 

"Because I'm worried, what if no one wants to love me?" The younger suddenly asked as she plucked the santan flowers from the garden of her grandma. She can't help but to think about it, she keep on asking it to herself every night and now she decided to ask her friend. Her mind was full of worries about love when she shouldn't think about those things because she's still a kid. 

"What? That's impossible Yoohyeon, you're so loveable! Every one can love you easily!" Her friend said, trying to cheer her up. 

"You're not lying, Bora?" She asked hopefully and the older nodded, "But why mom pays more attention to the flowers than me?" 

Bora sighed, "Why are you jealous of flowers? Those are part of her job! Without those plants and flowers, she won't be able to raise you and provide your necessities." 

"I just felt sad, I saw her talking to the plants. They can't even answer her, but me? I'm her daughter but she's not that lively when it comes to me." Yoohyeon clenched her fist while the santans that she plucked are inside of her hand. "I feel like I can't find someone who will love me the way I love them, because even my own mother can't show me that."

"Hey, don't say that! What about me, can't you feel my love? I love teasing and making fun of you but believe me, I love you!" Bora said and pinched the younger's fluffy cheeks, "If you're worried that no one will love you in the future... and if I can't find my special someone, then let's be together! Let's marry each other." 

"W-what!?" 

"There's nothing wrong with that!" The older's brows furrowed, "It's just a suggestion! We can be together if we don't find someone who will love us."

"Weird but okay?" Yoohyeon's frown slowly disappear, "Besides, if I have to live the rest of my life with one person only, it's better to be you, my bestfriend."

\---

But some things really change as time goes by. It seems like the younger have forgotten about their talk, and that Bora thought she should have promised it and made Yoohyeon believe that she wasn't joking around.

When Yoohyeon turned 16 and Bora turned 19, someone came into the picture. The older thought she's the only bestfriend forever, not until the younger had another one.

Minji became part of their lives, the girl's mother is associated with Yoohyeon's mother as they have partnership in their flower shop business.

The said girl is a bit similar to Bora, she's kinda blunt and shameless. The first time Minji met Yoohyeon, she gave the latter a yellow rose. That made the younger's heart flutter, which turned into attraction and the thing they called crush.

"Flowers for Yooh!" Minji smiled as she handed the two yellow roses to Yoohyeon, the latter was taken aback and panicked silently but she gladly accepted the flowers. Bora, who saw the scene, rolled her eyes. 

"She's just like that to new people, my puppy is really awkward!" Bora intervene and tease Yoohyeon like her usual doing. 

"Oh, I figured. But she's cute so I think that's fine." Minji responded as her eyes were smiling as well, making Yoohyeon's heart melt at the sight. 

"You think so? Just wait till she becomes comfortable with you, she'll be annoying!" 

"Yah, Bora!" The youngest hissed, embarrassed of what her friend just said. 

"I don't mind, I like bubbly people." 

Bora got annoyed at Minji's response and dragged her friend towards their backyard, specifically the garden, "I don't like her! Her boldness is so annoying!" 

"Bora, just admit you hate the fact that you met someone similar to you! Don't dislike her." Yoohyeon said, "I think she's nice though." 

"Nice my ass!" The older mocked, "Stop being oblivious, she's flirting with you!" 

"Was she? Why does it matter?" Yoohyeon raised one of her eyebrows, "Wait, are you jealous?" 

"Of course not! It's just... you catch feelings easily and a girl like her... she looks like she's not serious in life." Bora responded in defense. 

The younger sighed, "Duh, I don't catch feelings easily and can't we just quit being judgmental? My mom said to befriend Minji because she's a daughter of her friend. Besides it'd be fun to have another friend!" 

"Am I not enough for you?" 

"Hey, it's not like that. You guys can be friends too, you know. It's not just us and no one should be left behind." Yoohyeon stated, "You're still my number one bestfriend, if that worries you."

Bora sighed as well, she felt defeated, "Even if I tease you a lot while she acts nicer? I'm still your number 1?"

"Yes! I know that even if you bully me, you still love me!" The younger smirked. 

Of course as Yoohyeon's number one friend, she's the first person who found out about Yoohyeon's little crush on Minji. The younger would always talk about the girl with sparkling eyes and Bora was just watching her and trying to act interested when in fact, she's bored and irritated. 

Bora had a hard time adjusting, she have gotten use to be Yoohyeon's only bestfriend. They spent most of their time together ever since their childhood days but when Minji came into the picture, her time with her friend got lessen. She hated the feeling of sharing Yoohyeon with someone, but what can she do if her friend is also happy with her another 'friend'? Also, she don't own the younger. 

Now, they're grown up. Yoohyeon just turned 19 and Bora turned 22, having the same age with Minji but they still can't get along after all those years. They have Yoohyeon as common friend, the girl would always try her best to make them get along but it never happens. Not when one of them feels jealous to one another. 

\---

"What's that?" Bora asked when she sat down, they were at the café together and the younger was smelling the flower on her hand.

"Obviously, a flower!" Yoohyeon chuckled as she stated the obvious.

"Duh, I know! I meant, what flower is that, you know I know nothing about them." The older said as she placed the coffee she ordered for the two of them in their table.

"I don't know much about flowers too, but Minji said it is gladiolus." The younger can't hide her happiness and she kept smelling the said flower. 

"Ah, gladiolus symbolizes strength and integrity. Anyways, in the whole 3 years, that girl is still not tired of giving you different flowers every time you see each other?" Bora asked in disbelief. 

"Yeah, what's wrong?" 

"You don't like flowers, right?" 

Yoohyeon shrugged, "So what? She didn't know that and I don't mind receiving flowers if those will come from her." 

"You really like her that much huh..." The older mumbled, "Just don't fall in love with her, please."

"Are we going to argue again?" Yoohyeon pouted, "If ever my heart beats for her, I can't do anything about it. Especially if she's the one for me."

Bora shook her head, "I also don't want to argue with you but keep in your mind that I'm forbidding you to love her because I'm worried that it might hurt you."

"Isn't love equates to pain? If you love, you feel the pain, it's inevitable to happen. Everyone will experience that."

The older just sighed, "I already let you like her. This time, listen to me. Don't fall for her because that girl is flirting with different girls."

"Okay okay, stop nagging now! I won't fall for her." 

"You better!" 

\---

But jokes on Yoohyeon, every night she's thinking about her other friend, about Minji. She's aware she likes her and she can't deny the fact that it's not hard to fall in love with the girl. Though, like what Bora said, Minji is not serious over relationships, well it's not like she have one. Minji told her she doesn't want to be in a relationship yet.

The girl never fails to make Yoohyeon's heart flutter, whether it's through words or actions. She's also kind and she kept giving her flowers. When they first met, Minji gave Yoohyeon yellow roses which symbolizes friendship and new beginnings. Every time they see each other, the former would gave the younger the yellow roses she planted by herself. Minji had told her she never do such thing to anyone, only to her. As time goes by, Minji stopped giving her yellow roses and gives her different kind of flowers.

Yoohyeon used to like some girls and some boys before but when she met Minji, she became 'loyal' even though it's just a 'crush' but for the past three years, she felt like her feelings were growing to something bigger, which she kinda expected and she knows it would disappoint Bora. But what can she do? When her heart decided to beat for Minji, when her heart chose the girl as someone she'll love unconditionally. 

Sometimes Yoohyeon thought that the older possibly like her too, but that thought was destroyed by Bora's opinions. Her bestfriend said that it's hard to understand Minji's feelings, knowing the girl is naturally playful and flirty to random people, and maybe she didn't intend to flirt but it shows just like that. 

"Why is my girl spacing out?" Minji snapped her fingers in front of Yoohyeon's face, causing the latter to blink twice. 

"I guess, I'm just tired." Yoohyeon simply answered. 

"Then, you shouldn't have come." The older said and sat next to her, "But not gonna lie, I'm glad you went here. I missed you so much!" She squish Yoohyeon's cheeks, a normal habit that she had. 

"I missed you too, I'm sorry it's just that I'm so busy lately." That was the reason why she made sure she has a free time to see Minji again, in the flower shop of their mothers. She missed the older a lot. 

"I understand. Starting college is not easy, I know." Minji gave her an assuring smile, "Anyways, here's the flower of the day!" 

As usual, Minji gave her a flower again. This time it's a sunflower. 

"Thank you." Yoohyeon said, and she meant it. She's not really a flower lover, she was actually jealous of them because most people love them, including her mom. But she likes it when she receives flowers from her friend, whom she knew she love by now. She can't just dislike Minji's favorite thing. 

She doesn't want to become coward, she wants to be honest with her feelings. She just realized it last night and she tried her best to build a courage. 

Her thoughts were battling though, if she should confess right away when she just realized her feelings awhile ago, or she shouldn't confess because there's a possibility that Minji won't like her back. 

She read too much novels about friendship, she watched dramas about it. She thought, those are cliché and that, maybe... just maybe, she should be honest with her feelings because just like in the television and books, her friend might feel the same way too. To avoid unwanted regrets, she decided to be bold and honest about her feelings, for once in her life.

"I need to tell you something-" They said together, the younger chuckled, "Older first!" 

Minji rolled her eyes but chuckled as well, "I think that, my bestfriend should be the first person to know about this."

Yoohyeon stared at her friend with anticipation. 

"So, I finally have a girlfriend! A serious one." 

Yoohyeon felt like her world crashed down, same goes with the courage she has been building since last night. What was it for? Such a waste, she didn't even manage to confess. 

How can she confess when Minji looked so happy? She can't be selfish. Her question is now answered, Minji don't feel the same. She already found the one she'll love and it's not her. Yoohyeon don't want to take it away, not when she can see the genuine happiness in the older's eyes. 

Yoohyeon spaced out once again, she's just staring at Minji who keep on talking about her girlfriend. The former can't bring herself to listen, she can hear but she can't understand. It's like she suddenly want to disappear because she's hurting right now. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Minji asked, "Sorry if I talked too much, tell what you have to say."

The younger shook her head, "Don't mind it, it's just about college but I already know what to do so I don't need to tell you.... Just continue talking."

How ironic. She's not even listening, but she's sure she just loves Minji's soft voice that much. She's aware she's being a masochist and Bora will surely bonk her head for falling in love with Minji. She broke her promise to Bora. 

She was brought back in a reality when she felt itchiness in her throat, at first she just drank water and she rubbed her neck gently. But she felt it's getting worse, she can't breathe properly and her chest hurts a lot. 

"Y-yoohyeon what's happening to you?" Minji asked again and she looked so worried about her younger friend, "Let me take you to your apartment-" 

"I- I c-can go home alone. I'm sorry..." She got up from her seat and didn't even waited for Minji's response, she walked away from the flower shop and didn't bother to look back even if the older kept calling her name. Her trembling hands searched for her cellphone as she immediately called Bora.

"Hello, Yooh-"

"B-bora, I c-can't b-breathe..." Yoohyeon said while one of her hands was holding her chest, but the pain didn't lessen, it gotten worse even more.

"What!? Where are you!?" Bora panicked as well, she already have a hunch but she was hoping that her suspicions would turn out false.

"M-meet me in my apartment... p-please..."

Bora felt her heart breaking into pieces. She knows this could happen, she knows this would happen. And knowing Yoohyeon is now experiencing it, she can't help but to be mad at herself even though she's not at fault.

"Okay, I'm on my way!"

When Yoohyeon reached her apartment, she immediately went to the bathroom. She saw her reflection in the mirror, she looked messy, messier than ever. She was sweating and her hands were still trembling.

She winced when she felt her chest pulsating, it's like something is piercing in it. Her tears slowly fell due to the pain she's feeling. Her breathing started to hardened and it seems like there is something stuck inside her throat, blocking her airways causing her more pain and unable to breathe normally. She felt suffocating and she decided to breathe through her nose, but it didn't help that much. 

She opened the faucet and washed her whole face, despite her trembling hands. Feeling the coldness on her face, the hardness on her breathing didn't go away.

Until she started coughing hardly, she was holding her neck and she suddenly felt that she'll throw up. She didn't even remember eating something big that could be stuck in her throat but she's hoping that whatever it is, it'll stop once she threw it out.

Her trembling hands found its way to her mouth, she coughed more and more until she felt something soft in her hands. She can finally breathe again, but it's rapid and she felt weak as she fell down to the ground. She was about to close her eyes when she heard a familiar voice. 

"Yoohyeon- Oh my gosh!" A panicked Bora entered the bathroom and went towards her friend who's lying weakly on the cold tiles, "Please, don't pass out!"

"B-bora, am I d-dying?" The younger asked, her eyes were almost closed and she really looked tired. 

"No! You aren't!" Her friend hissed as she tried to carry Yoohyeon, good thing she's strong enough to do that. She lay her on the couch and left the latter to get a water of glass, "Drink!" 

The younger did as she was told to do. She winced when the water flows down in her throat, it felt like she had a sore throat.

"Bora.. what's happening to me? I don't understand..." Yoohyeon's emotions were mixed, confusion, worry, sadness, fear... those can be seen altogether on her face.

"Can you please be honest with me!? Did you... fall for someone?" Bora asked. 

"I'm so sorry." The only three words that came out of Yoohyeon's mouth. Not the three words that Bora would like to hear from her, and the words break her heart as she is now certain that Yoohyeon broke the promise. 

"It's Minji, right?" The older wish that Yoohyeon would say no, the latter can fall for anyone but she doesn't want it to someone who she feels insecure of. 

But then, Yoohyeon slowly nodded, "How is it related to this?" 

"Stop playing dumb! I'm sure you know about the thing that will grow inside your chest when you fall for someone who don't reciprocate your feelings!" Bora angrily said, "It's a Hanahaki disease!" 

Yoohyeon understand it easily but, "I never thought t-that it's real..."

"Yeah, it wasn't real! Until it happened to you now, if you're not convinced, how can you explain the petals in your hand!?" 

That made the younger look at the soft thing she has been holding, the one that came out from her mouth. Her hands slowly trembled again as she turned to her friend. 

"I-it's a petal of blue rose." She said weakly as she thought it's really the end for me, "So it's really the end of me."

She never thought that this was real, she didn't expect that this will happen to her. 

Yoohyeon had heard that blue rose does not exist in nature because of genetic limitations. Though florists can produce blue-hued flowers by placing cut roses in dye. Because of that, she got curious of seeing blue rose, she wanted to see one personally... but not in this way. She didn't like the fact that it's growing inside her chest, because of the one sided love she's feeling towards her friend. 

"Don't say that! You won't die, you can't! If you want, you can take surgery to remove that growing flower in your chest." The older suggested, "It's just... your feelings for her will vanish along with that thing, but if it happens again for the second time, you won't be able to survive and second surgery isn't advisable."

Yoohyeon's tears fell, "I d-don't want to take surgery. It costs a lot-" She stopped when she felt itchiness in her throat again, she started coughing until another petal got out from her mouth. 

"Blue rose symbolizes secret, unattainable and unrequited love..." Bora said nonchalantly, still upset about what happened, "That bitch didn't just give you flowers every time you see her, she even planted it in your chest."

"S-she didn't do that literally..." Yoohyeon said as she let go the three blue petals from her hand, "C-can you please don't say this to anyone? I trust you and I hope this will stay between the two of us only."

Bora sighed and nodded afterwards, "Fine but please consider the surgery, okay? I'm willing to help if you're worried about the cost. I don't want to lose you... just think about it and decide quickly before it's too late."

Yoohyeon just sighed as well and stared at the ceiling. Bora stayed in her apartment to take care of her because she keeps on coughing petals every hour. 

\---

1 week have passed and she tried to avoid Minji, but she just can't. The girl told her how worried she was and asked her what happened to her because she lost some weights.

"I'm really fine, Minji." She lied. She never wanted to lie to Minji, but she was left with no choice. It's not like she can tell the older that something is growing inside her because of the 'pathetic' love she's feeling towards her friend. She will never do that, she doesn't want Minji to feel guilty.

"Your look says otherwise! Are you even eating three times a day?"

The younger nodded, but it's just another lie. For the past days, it's hard for her to eat. Aside from she doesn't have appetite, it is hard for her to swallow a food, even drinking became hard for her. She chuckled bitterly when she thought that, she might die from ulcer and not from hanahaki disease. 

"Oh, Siyeon is here!" Minji said out of excitement and Yoohyeon can only admire those smiles of the older even if she's not the reason behind. And yeah, they met up because her friend wants her to meet her girlfriend.

"Hi, I'm Siyeon." The girl offered her hand and Yoohyeon gladly accepted it, she smiled to the former and introduced herself.

"I'm Yoohyeon."

"Oh yeah, Minji talked about you, a lot!" Siyeon said and Minji hit her jokingly.

"Of course, she is my bestfriend, I will talk about her 24/7." Minji said in defense.

Yoohyeon just watched them bickering, she smiled awkwardly but winced afterwards when she felt a throb right from her heart, she also started coughing again. 

That didn't go unnoticed to her friend, "Yah, you've been having a hard time breathing and keep on coughing since last week, what's happening with you? Did your mom knew about it?"

Yoohyeon shook her head, "N-no, and please don't tell her. It's nothing serious."

"Your cough sounded so awful, I think you should see the doctor." Siyeon suggested.

Yoohyeon smiled, at least she felt relieved that Siyeon is a nice person. That she's the person Minji chose to love, "I t-think so too, I w-would. Thanks."

"You don't look fine, Yooh. Do you want to go home?" Minji asked.

"Y-yeah, sorry for always leaving you, Minji."

"No it's fine, let me take you home this time."

The younger shook her head, "Don't leave Siyeon alone, I can handle myself." And she faked a smile to convince Minji.

"Uhh, it's fine with me if Minji takes you home first." Siyeon reassured.

"See? I have a very understanding girlfriend. Now, don't complain." Minji got up and grab Yoohyeon's wrist with her, the latter looked back at Siyeon and waved her hands.

When they reached her apartment, Minji spoke, "Are you hiding something from me? I don't want to overthink but I noticed that you've been distant lately and you look weaker."

Yoohyeon sighed weakly, "I'm just stressed, I thought I'm not in the mood to talk and entertain you."

"And what about Bora? You only distant yourself from me but not with her." Here they are again, with the jealousy over the friendship. Bora is exactly just like this as well. 

"Well, you know her, she will keep bothering me even if I tell her I'm tired or what."

"So? Do I need to do that too? Actually, I'm upset." Minji said, she's really sad and upset when Yoohyeon avoided her without telling her the reason. 

"No, besides you already have a girlfriend. I can't always keep your company, you know." The younger mumbled but audible enough for Minji to hear that. 

"But I still want to spend more time with you." 

Yoohyeon was about to respond but she suddenly coughed, as usual it sounded awful that it widened Minji's eyes. She went towards Yoohyeon whose hands were in her mouth. 

The younger saw the blue petal in her hand and she quickly hid it in her pocket. 

"That sounds bad, please consult to the doctor." Minji said as she rubbed Yoohyeon's back, she was upset but now she is more worried. 

"I w-will. Don't worry." Yoohyeon just said and hopefully the girl will believe her, "Now, go back to Siyeon. Don't make her wait."

"Are you sure you're fine alone?" Minji asked, "I'm sure Siyeon would understand if I stay here with you."

"I'm really fine, I just need to rest." Yoohyeon faked a smile once again. 

"Fine, just take care of yourself, okay? And call me when you need help." Minji said before she bid her farewell. 

Yoohyeon heave a deep sigh when she's finally alone. She lazily drop herself on the couch and stared at the ceiling. 

"S-she doesn't need to know."

\---

January 07, it's Yoohyeon's birthday. Her mom asked her if she wants to have a small celebration but she said she doesn't want to and she have plans.

She wants to go out with Bora and Minji, the two most special friends of her. Though she knows that the two girls don't get along, she's sure none of them can resist her request. Especially when it's her special day today.

She requested to go to the amusement park. She wants to enjoy for now before her stressed on college and her disease start again.

"Let's try the rollercoaster!" Yoohyeon said as she did small jumps while holding each of her friends' hands.

"W-what... why rollercoaster?" Minji asked. 

"Why not? I like it, it'd be fun!" Yooheon answered. 

"Tss, coward." Bora side comment and that made Minji rolled her eyes. 

"I'm not!" 

"Let's go then!" Yoohyeon dragged the both of them. 

The three of them screamed a lot, Yoohyeon screams in fun, Minji screams in both fear and fun meanwhile Bora screams out loud for her dear life. 

Poor Yoohyeon who's beside Bora, the former's eardrum felt broke. 

"T-that was fun..." Minji said while panting, she laughed when she noticed Bora's face, "Now who's coward?" 

"Shut up bitch!"

"Yah, Bora watch your mouth." Yoohyeon scolded. 

Bora just rolled her eyes and drag Yoohyeon but she was stopped because Minji was also holding the girl's other wrist. When she faced her, Minji was raising her eyebrows. As a competitive person, Bora raised her eyebrows as well. 

"Can you let her go!?" 

"Why would I?" 

"Because-" 

They stopped when Yoohyeon started coughing again, Bora immediately handed her handkerchief to the younger. The latter accepted it and when she successfully coughed out the petal, she quickly hide it. 

"You're still coughing?" Asked by Minji who looked worried. 

"Obviously she's still!" Bora answered. 

"D-don't mind this, let's go." Yoohyeon just said. 

They tried different rides, even the carousel that Yoohyeon really liked, of course her two older friends bicker every chance they get. Mostly about Yoohyeon. 

They also bicker when Bora bought Yoohyeon an ice cream, Minji saying that Yoohyeon shouldn't eat anything cold because of her cough. But Bora ignored her nagging, and Yoohyeon can't do anything because she knows Bora would be upset if she refuse the ice cream, and besides she likes it. 

Minji did view it as a competition, she bought a cotton candy for Yoohyeon, she even fed the younger who seemed happy like a kid. Of course, Bora won't stay silent, that's too impossible for someone like her, she gave side comments but Minji ignored her as well and sometimes the girl would smirk to tease her. 

Their last plan before they go home was to try ferris wheel because it'll look good at night, but things didn't go as it planned because Yoohyeon suddenly had a hard time breathing. 

She felt more pain this time, it's as if the thorns are starting piercing into her lungs, it hurts all of sudden that it made her fell on her knees. Her friends panicked and they immediately went back to Yoohyeon's apartment. 

Bora told Minji to go home and she'll be the one who will take care of their friend, at first the latter argue and said she wants to take care of Yoohyeon too. But the said girl also told her to go home, and that she'll be fine with Bora on her side. 

She'd be lying if she'll say she didn't felt sad and upset when Yoohyeon said that. But she can't do anything about it, so she just went home despite being worried about her friend. 

"B-bora..." Yoohyeon weakly called the older's name, the latter immediately went towards her only to see the younger showing flower buds and petals in her trembling hands, with bloods included in it.

Bora can only cover her own mouth, trying not to cry but she failed to do so. She knows what it means, she knows it got worsen and she can't do anything to help her friend from this endless suffering.

"W-why is there a blood?" The younger asked, not only her hands were trembling but also her lips and she felt like her body is getting weaker.

Bora did not respond and guided her friend towards the sink to wash her bloody hands.

"P-please answer me..."

The older cried even more when she heard the desperation from the voice of her friend, "It m-means your situation is getting worse and... your time limit is getting shorter."

And that statement made Yoohyeon tears fell simultaneously. 

"Minji reciprocating your love, is not the only solution for hanahaki disease." Bora said, "You need to understand that not everyone can love you the same way you love them, but that doesn't mean that you're unlovable, and that you are not loved by people. Try to fight and don't let this freaking disease kill you!" 

"H-how can you be so sure that it's another solution to overcome hanahaki disease?" Yoohyeon asked.

"I'm not really sure but it happened to me... I didn't let my insecure thoughts eat and control my system because it will worsen the disease." Bora answered, "Just stop suffocating yourself by overthinking, I don't want you to die and... if Minji can't love you, there are other people willing to love you." 

Yoohyeon didn't respond, she just cried silently. She can't imagine herself loving someone else aside from Minji, although she knows loving the girl would cause her too much pain and it could kill her slowly. 

"Y-you have a hanahaki disease too? Who's the cause?" She asked when she realized what Bora said. 

"You don't need to know, just rest." Bora guided Yoohyeon to her room and when she was about to leave her, the latter grip on her hand. 

"Please don't leave me, Bora."

The older can never resist her most favorite friend, and even if she's upset, she'll stay if Yoohyeon asked her to. She sat down next to her friend but she was told to lay beside her.

Yoohyeon hugged her tightly, "I'm sorry, Bora." And she started crying again.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I didn't know you're experiencing it as well, that's why you were warning me from falling in love with Minji. I'm so stubborn, I'm so inconsiderate..."

Bora hugged her back, "Don't be sorry, I didn't tell you, you didn't know."

"But since when did you experience that?"

"Since 3 years ago."

"T-that long!? I thought it can kill a person easily? How come you manage to live longer?" Yoohyeon asked, as she wants to live longer as well.

"I don't know if my theory was right. I already told you, if you can't stop loving her, just don't think as if she's the only person you can love."

The younger sighed, "Then I'd rather die."

Bora glared at her but she snuggled herself on her friend's neck, "Rest now, you're not allowed to die early."

Yoohyeon chuckled, "Okay, I'll rest only if you promise you'll still be here when I woke up."

"Fine fine, I promise. I never break any of my promises to you, you know that."

"Yeah, and I love you for that."

There were 5 seconds of silence until Bora cleared her throat, "I know. Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Don't leave me."

Bora pretended to sleep and waited for the younger to fall asleep and when she was sure that Yoohyeon is sleeping, she looked at the ceiling and saw the glow in the dark stickers in it. She then turned to her friend again. 

"I won't leave you, I manage not leave you despite of my deadly condition. I'm the one who should say those words because between the two of us, you seem to be the person who's willing to leave and die without fighting the disease." 

Bora finally let out those unsaid feelings she's been hiding from her friend. She likes Yoohyeon since they were kids, she loves her when they grew up. She discovered it when she felt jealous over Minji. 

When she coughed out petals, she already knew she had the disease. She heard a lot of stories about it and she believed it even if she never had seen it, until it happened to her.

She thought she's not gonna last for a month, but surprisingly she's still alive until now. It's because she's fighting it, she discovered it. She made herself believe that Yoohyeon still love her, even if not the same way she loves her. And Yoohyeon being very vocal towards her feelings have helped a lot as well. 

No one had said Bora that it can make her hanahaki disease less dangerous, it's just she discovered it by herself. And she came up with the theory that, if you don't let it eat your whole system, this can't kill you but still, it won't disappear. The only things that can make it disappear are... when the person you love reciprocate your feelings, when you decided to unlove them or when the person you love pass away. 

Surgery is another option but it's not always successful and if they successfully remove the growing flower inside your chest, your feelings with someone you loved, will be remove as well. But if you love another person and it happened again, you won't be able to survive. 

Bora never consider surgery for herself, though she was suggesting it to Yoohyeon. She doesn't want to take surgery, simply because she doesn't want to forget and lose her feelings for the younger and also, there's a little part of her hoping that one day, Yoohyeon can love her too. She's willing to wait, and suffer from mild hanahaki disease if that means she can love Yoohyeon. 

\---

The next morning, Bora indeed kept her promise and that made Yoohyeon happy. The former even cooked her favorite foods, and Yoohyeon didn't want to disappoint the older so despite of struggles in swallowing, she ate a lot of foods. It's been so long since the last time she ate a lot, she admit that she missed this. 

But Bora, who knows how hard it is to eat for someone who has a hanahaki disease, told the younger not to force herself in eating foods but the latter ignored her, besides Yoohyeon really loves anything that Bora cooks for her. 

"Arghh!!! Yooh, I have to go home. I need to babysit my niece. If you need me, I'm just one call away, okay?" Bora said. 

Yoohyeon felt sad and pouted, "Okay, take care and see you around."

When the older left, Yoohyeon felt so empty again and that trigger her disease. She was rubbing her chest but it didn't stop, she started coughing and she went to the bathroom because she knows she'd vomit again. 

Before, she'd cough out one to two petals but now, there are lots of petals coming out from her mouth, along with some flower buds and the blood that scared her. 

She sighed when she finished vomiting, "Is my end near?" 

She thought before she die, she wants to go to her favorite place first which is the river that people rarely visit nowadays. 

So when it's 5PM she decided to go there using her bike. It's a perfect time to be alone and let out of some things that kept on bothering her. 

She sat down and throw the rocks in the river, as if it was her stress and problems that she's throwing away. She used to do this with either Bora and Minji whenever she's exhausted but she hasn't visit this place ever since she started college. 

She sighed, "Will this be the last time I'll be here? Will this be the last time I'll throw these rocks? Life sucks!" 

"How come love is so cruel? I just... I just want to love her even from afar, I'm not asking her to love me back. What did I do to deserve this!?" She throw the rock with all her might, feeling upset about her fate, but never regretting loving someone who can't love her back. It's just she thought this is unfair for someone who just want to love. 

"If I tell Minji that she's the reason why there's a flower growing inside my chest, she'd feel guilty even it it's not her fault. I don't want her to love me because of pity, I want her to love me the way she willingly wants to love me." She mumbled to herself while collecting the rocks and ignoring the tears flowing down her cheeks. 

"I don't want her to sacrifice her own happiness, I can't took it away from her. Also, that would be unfair to her and Siyeon. Siyeon is very nice, based on my observations. She'll treat Minji right, she can make her happy and if Minji won't end up with me? She better end up with Siyeon. I'm... I'm rooting for them." And she coughed after saying that, she meant what she said but her heart can't accept it.

"I never knew I could feel so much pain, yet be so in love." She mumbled to the cold wind. 

"If loving means I have to suffer literally for the person I love, I don't mind it. I'm always certain that the happiness of the person I'll love, will come first before mine. And I will love that someone unconditionally, at all cost." She smiled bitterly and she clenched her fists when she felt something piercing her lungs again. She can feel the sharp thorns pricking. 

And thorns denotes the sorrow and hardship. In roses, it represents pain and pleasure. 

I can only blame myself for this, I planted a seed inside my heart unknowingly, until it roots and thorns pierced on my heart and lungs, until the petals blocked my airways causing me to suffocate and sooner, this blue rose will finally bloom. That would be the end of me. She thought. 

She stared at the bloody petals in her hand, "W-why do you want me to s-suffer!? Why can't you let me l-love her? No one has ever told me it's a c-crime loving someone who can't love me back... Why is this happening to me, and even to my friend?"

She went near the river and washed the blood in her hands. Although she knows that later, she'll vomit petals with blood again.

She leaned on a tree and closed her eyes, she felt tired and exhausted, "If I let myself drown in the river... is it better to die in that way?"

She asked to herself, of course no one answered because she's alone but she felt something ticklish on her cheek. She opened her eyes only to see Minji holding a flower, which was the thing she used to tickle Yoohyeon's cheeks.

"W-what are you doing here!?" Yoohyeon panicked, what if Minji heard what she said? About her feelings and about her disease? "How long have you been here?"

"I just got here! It seems like you don't want to see me!" Minji pouted, she sat beside Yoohyeon and put her head on the latter's shoulder, "I went to your apartment because I was worried about you last night, but you're not there. I called your mom and she said you're not in her house. So I assumed you're at your favorite place, and I'm right."

Yoohyeon nodded and felt relieved.

"Why are you considering drowning yourself in the river?" The older suddenly asked, sounded annoyed, "Since when did you become a suicidal person?"

"Ah, I'm just tired like the usual. I'm not serious about it, I won't do that too."

"If I didn't come here, who knows if you'll really do that!"

"Hey, did you come here to nag?" The younger chuckled, "I swear to God, I won't suicide. I know you'll be mad and I don't want to face your wrath."

"Good! Because I don't want to lose my precious puppy! I might even follow you." Minji said.

"What the- that's the thing you should never do! If it's already my time, we can't do anything about it. You can't just follow me, a lot of people love you and don't want to lose you." Yoohyeon scolded as she slightly flicked Minji's forehead.

"Ouch! Fine, I'm sorry! Accept this, my peace offering." The older handed her the yellow rose with red tip. 

Yoohyeon sighed. Another flower given by Minji. She thought.

But of course she accepted it, "Thank you, Minji. But I hope this will be the last time you'll give me flowers."

The other frowned and sadness was present in her eyes, "W-why?"

Yoohyeon hated herself for making Minji sad, "Because you don't have to! Just give them to your girlfriend."

"Fine, I will stop." Minji just said, "But I won't give Siyeon those."

"And why?"

"She's not really into flowers and these days, we're not in good terms."

"Oh, don't worry you'll be in good terms again. It's normal in relationships, I hope you fix the problems soon." The younger said and forced a smile. Minji didn't respond to that. 

"Minji, can I ask a favor?" Yoohyeon suddenly spoke in the middle of silence.

"Oh, what is it? Anything for you!" Minji said.

"If I die, don't give me flowers please."

"W-what!? Why are you talking about death? This isn't funny."

"I'm not joking around, I'm just informing you, because I hope you won't give me flowers whenever you visit my grave." Because you gave me too much of it when I was still alive, some of the flowers you gave me are even inside my chest. Yoohyeon thought.

"And why? I thought you love flowers!" Minji frowned. 

"I used too. I hate them now." The younger said nonchalantly. Though, she really doesn't hate them, she just said that because she reasoned out. 

"They are beautiful to be hated."

"Yeah they are beautiful but dangerous for some people like me. You wouldn't understand." 

"Make me understand then!" The older pouted, "What did the flowers do for you to hate them?" 

"It's nothing! I just realized I started to lose my interest in flowers." She lied, "So I hope you won't bring those in my grave."

"I hate talking about death, but fine!" The older sighed, "But that's not so soon right? We'll still be together for a long time." Minji happily said as she cling her arms on Yoohyeon's arm. 

If you could love me the same way, I won't die sooner. 

"Wait, I feel like something is really off! Do you want to die!? Will you really drown yourself in this river?" 

Yoohyeon gasp, "Of course not. I told you I won't do that, I even promised!" 

"Promises are meant to be broken."

"Bora proved it wrong-" Yoohyeon paused, "I won't break it. It's just I'm thinking of a better way to die, in a not too painful way. If I have to choose, I'll choose drowning, how about you?"

Minji rolled her eyes at the chosen topic but she responded anyway, "I think I want to die because of being too old, simply because I want to live longer with the person I love."

Yoohyeon smiled bitterly, "Then Siyeon should live longer too!" 

"Can you stop bringing her in our topic?" 

"Why not? She is your girlfriend, who else should we talk about?" The younger asked. 

"Just us okay, just about the two of us, no Bora, no Siyeon." Minji said, "Even if she's my girlfriend, I can't be sure she's the one I'll grow old with."

"Eh? You sounded uncertain, Minji. If I'm Siyeon, I'll be sad that my girlfriend can't see me being with her in the future."

"I just don't want to regret the things I'll say. No one can predict the future with one hundred percent accuracy." Minji stated. 

"Okay, if you say so." Yoohyeon just gave in, the older looked serious and she doesn't want to have argument with her, "Let's go home, the sky is getting darker and I didn't bring umbrella."

Minji just nodded, and when they dropped from the bus Yoohyeon frowned when the older cling again on her arms. 

"Can I sleep over? In your apartment?" Minji smirked, "Ah, I shouldn't have asked it, even if you say no, I will still go there. It's unfair that you spent the rest of your birthday with Bora."

Yoohyeon just sighed and let the girl go home with her. But she can't deny she's happy to be with Minji. 

They watched movies together and it was hard for Yoohyeon to focus, especially when she's coughing and vomiting petals with blood. She's being more careful because Minji should never know about this. 

And just like Bora, Minji wanted to sleep in her room. The girl tickled her before they sleep, and cuddle each other.

"As long as I want us to stay like this forever, we can't. Not when your heart already belongs to someone and you weren't mine to begin with. I can't keep you." She mumbled to the sleeping Minji and kissed the girl's forehead before she close her eyes to sleep.

\--

Minji was the first one who woke up in the next morning, she squished Yoohyeon's cheeks before she got up from the bed. 

When she left Yoohyeon's room, she was met by Bora who's brows were furrowed early in the morning, "What are you doing here!?" 

"Why does it matter to you? I'm also her friend." Minji replied. 

"A friend? Why do you have to come into our lives? We were perfectly fine when you weren't here." Bora angrily said.

"What are you being so mad for!?" 

"I wish you never met us, you're too blind and oblivious." She paused, "I don't know what she saw in you." She muttered.

"You're being unreasonable, just say you're jealous that I'm also an important person in her life!"

Bora glared at her, "What if I am? I'm jealous! And not just only because of that. I love her, and I hate the fact that she pays more attention to you and she never see how much I care about her."

Minji gasped, did she heard it right? Bora seemed shocked just like her, she wasn't supposed to tell the words that slipped out of her mouth.

Silence was interrupted when a sleepy Yoohyeon opened the door of her room, "Uhh? Are you guys okay?" She asked.

Bora immediately went towards her friend, "Why didn't you call me last night, huh!? I was worried about you."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"As always." Bora said bitterly. She dragged Yoohyeon into the kitchen and gave the food she brought. Even if she hates Minji's presence, she still let the girl join them eating breakfast. It's not like she can shoo her away, or else Yoohyeon would be mad at her. 

\---

2 weeks later and things became worse for Yoohyeon, it's like every single day she's dying literally because of the unbearable pain she's feeling randomly.

Yoohyeon visited Minji's house with her mother, because it's Minji's mom's birthday. Their mothers are happily talking about their flower shop business while the two girls decided to stay in the garden.

"Why didn't you invite Siyeon?" Asked by Yoohyeon. She saw lots of visitors since morning but she didn't even see Siyeon.

Minji gave her a blank expression, "I don't want to talk about her, please."

"S-sorry, but I hope you two are fine."

"How are you?" Minji asked to change the topic, "Are you still coughing?"

The younger nodded, "Don't worry, I'm taking medication." She lied. She doesn't want to make Minji worry about her, especially now that the latter seem to have problems with Siyeon. Yoohyeon don't want to give her a burden. 

"Wait, let me give you something!" Yoohyeon exclaimed, now she's the one trying to change the topic, "Here! You always gives me flowers before. I think I should be the one to give you a flower, even for once in my lifetime."

Minji can't help but to smile, she missed the sight of Yoohyeon holding flowers in her hands. Because both Yoohyeon and the flowers are her most favorite thing in this world. 

"Why santan flowers?" Minji asked. 

"There are lots of santan flowers in my grandmother's garden, they're so small when they aren't together and they're so cute, I hope it can cheer you up." Yoohyeon said, but another reason why she gave santan is because these flowers symbolizes burning passion for love. Her love for Minji. She knew its symbolism through her grandmother who loves flowers too. 

"It did, even if you don't give me them, you're enough to cheer me up." 

"Hmm, I refused to believe!" Yoohyeon jokingly said, "Wait, let me link them together to create a ring, bracelet and necklace using these beautiful flowers."

Minji just watched the younger with full adoration, Yoohyeon looked serious and passionate on what she's doing, although it's just a flower. 

"Tada!" Yoohyeon happily exclaimed as she raised it in the air, "Can I put these on you!? You can remove or even throw it once I go home."

The older's brows furrowed, "I will remove them because it's itchy but I won't throw them. It's the first flower you gave me, it's important to me. I'll keep them even if they rot."

"Aww~ I felt touched, Kim Minji~" Yoohyeon teased, but she's really touched by those words. She put the little ring on Minji's fingers, the bracelet on her wrist and the necklace on her neck.

"Why are you so pretty? Even prettier than these flowers." Yoohyeon complimented and that made the older blush.

"Stop teasing me!"

"Eh? I wasn't!" The younger said and grab another set of santan flower, "You know what, me and Bora used to taste santan's nectar." She chuckled.

Minji's smile disappeared, "How I wish we're also friends since childhood days."

"That doesn't matter! As long as we still met, we're destined... to be friends, yeah friends." Yoohyeon sighed and smiled.

"Can I give you a flower, just today?" Minji asked.

"Promise this will be the last time?"

"Yeah, I'll try to keep my promise like Bora!" The older jokingly said while emphasizing Bora's name.

Yoohyeon just chuckled and nodded.

Minji plucked one of the flowers in their garden, "Here, it's chrysanthemum."

The younger forced a smile, "Thank you."

"Do you know its symbolism?" Minji asked but Yoohyeon shrugged, "Ask your grandmother then."

"Aish, why don't you just tell me!?"

"You should know it by yourself."

There was a comfortable silence between them and Yoohyeon wished the time would stop for the meantime. For the past days, she felt like she's at the verge of dying, she's afraid that she'll die without being with Minji, the person she loves. Lately, she's just with Bora and even if they're always together, Yoohyeon misses the small girl whenever she's not around. She realized how heart breaking it is to leave them. Also her grandmother and her mother who raised her, although both of them pays more attention to the flowers than her, she still loves them.

Yoohyeon's thoughts were interrupted with the movement she felt on her chest, she can feel the thorns piercing her heart and lungs once again. She felt suffocating and hardness in breathing. She started coughing which caught Minji's attention. The older immediately rub her back.

"Do you need water?"

Yoohyeon failed to speak as she felt the roots and stems moving upwards, going to her airways, to her throat.

She ignored Minji's question and ran outside, she didn't even wait for her mom. Minji followed her but she faced her, "P-please don't follow me..."

"But you're having a hard time breathing-"

"Just don't!"

That made Minji stopped, it was the first time Yoohyeon had raised her voice to her older friend. The latter felt guilty when she saw the older's reaction, "S-sorry, just please let me l-leave, do not f-follow me."

When Minji didn't speak, Yoohyeon decided to walk away but she looked back, "Minji... I love you, always remember that." And then she ran away from the older. 

Minji frowned at confusion. Ever since then, she's always been confused about Yoohyeon's words and actions. Sometimes she would assume that the younger likes her.

She's been loving Yoohyeon for years. At first, when she met the girl because of their mothers' partnership, she built a courage to befriend her because for Minji, Yoohyeon looked nice and as beautiful as flowers, or maybe even more beautiful than the flowers. She gave yellow roses to the younger, simply because she really want to be her friend and she's glad that Yoohyeon accepted her in her life. 

Every day she'd always give Yoohyeon yellow roses and in return, she'll see those beautiful smile on the younger's face. She realized that she's getting obsessed with Yoohyeon's smile to the point that it can't get out of her mind. It's just a simple adoration. She never plan on loving Yoohyeon.

But things didn't go as it planned, she fell in love with her but she kept on denying it fo herself. Because she thought, Yoohyeon likes Bora and she envies the small girl. Though sometimes she's assuming that she's the one Yoohyeon likes.

As time goes by, she decided to give Yoohyeon a different types of flowers. She used the flowers as a way of indirect confession, to express what she feels for the younger without saying it. She used to gave her a sunflower because it symbolizes adoration and loyalty. She gave her a heather because it symbolizes admiration and luck. She gave her a gladiolus because it symbolizes strength and integrity. 

She was hoping the younger would know the meaning behind the flowers and get her signals, but she didn't. 

Minji isn't the person who will cry over someone who can't love her back. She's confident that Yoohyeon still loves her, maybe as a friend, but she believes it is better than not knowing and being with her at all. Probably that's the reason why she didn't developed a hanahaki disease, she didn't planted a seed in her heart, of course not literally. It's just, she didn't let the negative thoughts controlled her system that could plant a seed and grow a flower inside her chest.

She tried to stop loving Yoohyeon, she thought she successfully did that when she met Siyeon. They were happy but she still feels empty. She'd always talk about Yoohyeon when she's with Siyeon, which is unfair to her girlfriend, she knows that. That's why Siyeon decided to let her go, saying she should understand her own feelings and be with the person she truly loves.

Siyeon is such a nice person, such a shame that Minji can't love her the way she loves Yoohyeon. When she met with Yoohyeon at the river, Siyeon already broke up with her. And she doesn't want to talk about her because her guilt will starts to arise again even though Siyeon told her it's just fine.

The day she gave her yellow rose with red tip, it symbolizes friendship deepening to love. It's because she wants something more than just friends. 

Minji felt sad when Yoohyeon stopped her from sending her flowers but she felt happy when she received a flower from the latter and of course, she knows the symbolism of the said flower. Her heart beat faster the moment she saw it, she's hoping Yoohyeon knows its meaning and gave it to her on a purpose.

That made her feel confident, she'd like to confess her feelings to the younger. And she gave her the chrysanthemum, which symbolizes love and loyalty. 

It broke Minji's heart when the younger raised her voice, when she told her not to follow her. The former can't understand her friend, she changed in some ways. 

Yoohyeon just went to the place she'd like to breathe her last breath. Her favorite place, the river.

She feel like today is the day she'd die, the end of her. And before she die, she wants to be with the person she trust the most. Bora.

She called her best friend who is always quick on answering her calls, "Hello-"

"R-river..." Yoohyeon just said before she hung up and she knows that the older can easily get what she meant.

She just lean her back to the tree as her hands were gripping tightly on the grass. It's not the usual pain, the feeling of pulsating just intensify and she can't just feel a petal in her throat, she's certain it is a flower root and stem. 

When her tears fell, the rain started to pour as well. It's as if the rain is giving a sympathy to a dying well-being. 

Yoohyeon felt cold, which she hates a lot but what she feels the most that time was mostly immense pain. She's just praying silently that she won't die without seeing Bora for the last time. 

Thankfully, life isn't fully cruel to her, Bora is finally there. When the younger saw her friend, she genuinely smiled despite of the pain. 

"Y-yoohyeon..." Bora dropped her umbrella, not minding the heavy rain and hugged the younger, "Hold on, p-please don't leave us."

"I'm s-sorry, I t-think its my time." 

Bora would like to disagree and say it's not her time yet but when she saw Yoohyeon's condition, she knows there's nothing they can do, she's dying... she'll die, and she hates to think about it.

"B-bora, in my cabinet, I put my letter for you, for mom and grandma... and for Minji." Yoohyeon said, almost whispering as she struggle in speaking, "P-please tell mom how much I love her, and I hope you'd stop hating Minji... S-she's vulnerable too, I want you to be friends and be with each other even when I'm gone."

Bora nodded, although she still felt a little upset that Yoohyeon is still thinking about Minji instead of herself.

"Yoohyeon, I don't want you to die without knowing my biggest secret." Bora said between her sobs.

Yoohyeon chuckled a bit, thinking that Bora was joking to lessen the sad atmosphere, "W-what is it..."

"I love you." Bora said, "More than just a friend, and I have a hanahaki because of that... I never stopped loving you and this won't go away but I'm glad I'm still alive but why... Why can't you do the same? Why did you let this disease control your system? That made me upset you know... I don't mind if you can't love me as long as I'm with you, I don't mind if you love Minji but I hate that you're dying because you didn't fight your disease."

Yoohyeon cried even more, "I'm sorry... I caused you t-that pain."

"Sshh, don't say that! It wasn't your fault, you didn't know and it's not like you can teach your heart to love me." The older assured, "I don't want you to blame yourself, just like how you don't want Minji to blame herself, right?"

"Maybe this is my k-karma..."

"No, its not."

"I love you, Bora... maybe not the way you love me but, I really love you and I still want you to be with me in our next lives..."

"I know you love me like that... and this was the reason why I can't say those words to you because it has different meaning for me... But I regret it, how I wish I can tell you a million times how much I love you."

"Y-you can, even if... I die" Yoohyeon coughed and bloods came out, "I thought I was being selfless but the truth is... I'm being selfish. I'm sorry, Bora..."

She's selfless when it comes to Minji but she's selfish when it comes to Bora. Yoohyeon hates herself for it. 

Bora shook her head vigorously and just hugged Yoohyeon, she can only cry out loud whenever she hear the younger coughing, the coughing that sounds so awful and painful. Bora's hands trembled when Yoohyeon stopped coughing, when she didn't feel the latter moving nor breathing.

Although she's afraid of what she'll see, she loosen the hug to check Yoohyeon.

She's gone, she's dead.

And there is a fully bloom blue rose in her mouth.

Bora covered her mouth but that can't make her stop from crying. The rain hasn't stop yet, along with the thunder that represents the grief and madness she's feeling.

Bora never thought that this would happen. To see the girl she loves dying between her arms, dying because of love that was not reciprocated to her. She thought she'll be the first one to die between the two of them, she's afraid that she'll leave Yoohyeon but she's more afraid that the younger would leave her too. And in just a snap, it happened. Her fear happened and she saw it with her own eyes. Her happiness was taken away from her.

She regret some things like not being vocal about how much she loves Yoohyeon, she only shows how much she care about the latter. It's just hard for her to express it and instead, she makes fun and tease the younger a lot, just to cover and hide her real feelings. 

She just can't help but to cry, Yoohyeon deserves so much more. She deserves to live longer and she still needs to pursue her dreams, to travel around the world, to take pictures of beautiful places, to adopt the dog she's been visiting in the pet shop, to do things she likes to do and most of all, to feel all the love she deserves. She's too young to die.

Bora looked at Yoohyeon again, the girl looks as if she's sleeping peacefully but if you'll examine her, tiredness and exhaustion can be seen on her face. The older removed the fully bloomed flower in the girl's mouth.

"Don't worry Yooh, you're still beautiful and I meant it." She mumbled, "These flowers were supposed to be for aesthetic but... they hurt you, they killed you."

She tear the flowers apart as she showed how mad she was. Without a flower on Yoohyeon's mouth, the girl looked better, the cause of her suffering is now gone, but Yoohyeon herself is gone as well. 

Bora leaned and kissed Yoohyeon's forehead for one last time, "I love you so much and it hurts."

\---

Minji has been crying for the past days when she heard what happened to her friend, the friend she's been loving secretly. They were just together that day, she didn't know that would be the last time that they'd be together. She never had the chance to tell her feelings.

And now, she's at the favorite place of Yoohyeon, the same place she died. She's at the exact spot where Yoohyeon stopped breathing. A torture for her, but what can she do? She hated the fact that she wasn't there for Yoohyeon most of the time, it's always been Bora with the younger. Not just because she is jealous, but she also felt bad that she didn't know about the real condition of her friend, she died unexpectedly without a proper goodbye.

Only if she said 'I love you too' the last time Yoohyeon told her those words.

She was brought back in reality when she saw a pair of feet in front of her, when she looked up, she saw Bora whose eyes were puffy as well.

"W-what are you doing here? To say that I was a useless friend? Because I didn't know about her real condition and I wasn't there when she's struggling?" She muttered, "Do you want to slap in my face that you're more reliable friend-"

"Stop. You talk too much!" Bora hissed and sat next to her, "I didn't even say anything yet, I didn't came here to fight with you, I have no energy to do that and I know Yoohyeon won't like that."

"Then why are you here?"

The small girl rolled her eyes, "Is this your property? I can go here whenever I want to." She said, "This place is very special to Yoohyeon, that's why I'm here... although I can still remember how she died whenever I go here." 

Minji sighed weakly, "It must've been hard for you to see her suffering and giving up her life."

"Yeah, it was hard." Bora said bitterly and grab something from her bag, "Another reason why I came here is to give you this."

"What's this?" 

"Maybe a food." Bora said sarcastically, "Obviously, that's a letter. Yoohyeon told me to give you that. Did you really think she'll leave without saying a proper goodbye to... someone she loves."

Minji accepted the letter and stared at it. 

"I was looking for you on her burial awhile ago, why didn't you come?" Bora asked. 

"I... I don't want to see her getting buried."

"Yoohyeon would be sad, can't you at least visit her when you are ready?" 

"W-why are you being nice out of nowhere?" Minji frowned. 

"I'm not being nice!" Bora shook her head, "I'm doing this for Yoohyeon, I want my bestfriend to be happy and I know you are one of her happiness."

"Okay... I'll try when I'm ready."

The small girl got up from her seat, "I'm going home, you... you should take care of yourself and don't forget to read the letter. Bye!" 

She sighed when Bora left, she stared at the letter again until she's finally ready to open and read it. 

Dear Minji, 

They say, some things better left unsaid. But my feelings shouldn't stay unsaid, I can't keep it with me on my graveyard. I think you deserved to know, sorry if I was unfair and I never tell you when I was still alive. I was supposed to tell you my feelings, I was once confident to do so but that day, you told me you finally have a girlfriend. So I thought, what's the use of confessing? To confuse you? No, I won't do that. I can see how happy you were and I'm contented with that even if it's a shame, I'm not the main reason. That day, was also the day my hanahaki disease strike, only Bora knew about it. She told me I can take surgery but it cost too much and it can fail too, who knows if I can survive, right? Another solution is, if you'll reciprocate my feelings for you but of course I didn't tell you. I respect your relationship with Siyeon, and that girl? I think she's a very nice person and I like her for you, though I'd love to have you, I want to call you mine but how can I? When you don't feel anything to me aside from being just a friend. On the other side of thought, I'm still lucky to be your friend. I think you're the best person in this world, and I'm glad I met you. Even if I'm dying because of these feelings, I won't regret loving you. I'd rather die than stop loving you. It hurts, it really does. When they say loving equates to pain, I never knew they meant this, literally pain. I can always feel the stems and thorns piercing to my lungs, the flower petals that would always come out of my mouth after coughing hard, the petals that often block my airways, which hinders me from eating the foods I used to enjoy a lot with you. The situation was hard, but I never thought of stop loving you and if you'll say that this friend of yours is dumb, I won't be sulky. I know to myself how dumb I am. But now that I'm gone, you don't have to avoid me if you feel uncomfortable knowing your weird friend likes you more than just a friend. 

I hope you're genuinely happy, Minji happiness equates to Yoohyeon's happiness, always remember that. You may think that, what's the point of telling this? I'm not hoping you'll love me back, I just want you to know I loved you and I will always love you even after I stopped breathing. I want you to know that there are lots of things that people can love about you, not just because of your beautiful features but because of the real you, the real Minji. You're almost perfect so don't blame me if I'm head over heels for you. Please don't feel guilty, okay? I never blame you for this, I didn't hate you because of what happened, I don't hate your favorite thing (the flower), I only hate the situation I'm in, the thought of suffering even if I'm just loving... what kind of punishment is this? It's so bad and cruel, we should be free to love anyone we want to love. Love isn't a crime, or is it? I don't know. Don't blame yourself, never do that. I chose this situation although I never wished for this. The only good feeling is the feeling of loving you, and I was happy to be able to do that, even if it's just from afar. 

Lastly, I want to say that my hanahaki disease was the reason I stopped you from giving me flowers. I've had enough of them inside my chest, I don't want to hate them because I know how much you love them. I can see you were sad when I told you not to give me flowers, especially when I die. I'm so sorry for making you sad that time, I'm such a bad friend, right? But this bad friend loves you a lot! Bye bye Minji, please don't follow me here sooner, huh? If you do, I'll be upset! Enjoy your life with the person you truly love. I wish you all the best in life. I love you more than everything :)

Sincerely,  
Your dumb friend, Yoohyeon

Ps. Let's meet up in our next lives please!? Even if you still won't love me, I'm fine with that. I just want to be with you again, for a longer time. Even as one of your friends only.

Minji's tears fell on the letter in her hand. She cried even more after knowing that the girl she loves, feels the same way for her. She wasn't just assuming things, she was right.

Only if she didn't choose to be a coward and tell Yoohyeon her feelings for her, this wouldn't happen. She didn't believe that hanahaki disease do exist, because if it does, why it didn't happen to her? Is it because Yoohyeon is vocal about her real feelings? Although she never specify what kind of love she feels for Minji.

While her, she rarely tell her feelings, she even tried to hide and stop it. She didn't know it cause Yoohyeon more pain, thinking that it's impossible for Minji to love her back.

Yoohyeon was right, it's bad and cruel. They both just want to love. They share the same feelings but they weren't given a chance to say it... or maybe they were given a chance but they waste it because they're both coward. Just like in the cliché dramas who does unending mutual pinning, which Minji used to hate and found it annoying.

Now it happened to her. The only difference is that, they didn't have the chance to tell their feelings to each other and have their own happy ending. And worst of all, she lost her permanently.

\---

It took Minji three days to ready herself, to go and visit Yoohyeon's grave. In that three days, she only locked herself in her room, she barely eat and she doesn't want to go to the garden where she used to spend her time, because she'll just see the flowers and even if it's not growing inside her chest, she still feel hurt every time she sees any kind of it.

She remembered that Yoohyeon told her not to give flowers if she'll visit her, so she didn't, especially now that she knows it's the reason behind the younger's suffering and pain. She doesn't want to insult Yoohyeon by giving it, besides she started to lose interest in flowers. Though the santan flowers in a form of ring, necklace and bracelet, she's keeping it. The younger made it and gave it to her, it's special and she'll keep her promise to Yoohyeon, that she'll not throw it away even if it got rotten.

But Minji doesn't want to visit Yoohyeon without leaving something, so she brought a leaf. Maybe people would think it's weird as it is, but that's what Minji want to give.

"Hello, Yoohyeon, it's been a while." She said, trying not to crack her voice, "I keep my promise okay! I didn't bring flowers, I only brought a leaf. Please don't laugh, it symbolizes renewal and revival."

"Most things changed. I barely smile because my happiness is gone, and a flower betrayed me." Minji sighed, "I want you to know that I love you too, more than the flowers. You are way more beautiful than them."

"We were both so coward, but I'm more coward because I tried to stop my feelings, while you, you continued your feelings even if you thought I don't love you, even if it caused you a hanahaki." And the tears she's been holding, fell off the younger's tombstone.

"I'm sorry, but I hope you know that you're the one I truly love."

"Y-you love her?"

Minji looked back and saw Bora who's frowning, the former sighed and slowly nodded.

"I love her too, but I failed to say and show."

Bora sighed and sat next to Minji, she didn't bring any flowers as well.

"It only justify my theory that when you have a hanahaki disease, the person you love doesn't need to love you back. Because Minji, if you love her but she never knew, then that means her disease got worse and reached the end point due to her thoughts that suffocates her." Bora explained, "She was suffocating herself with the thoughts that she can't be love by the person she loves the most. S-she let the disease took control over her system, even if she says she's contented being just your friend, deep inside she's desperate for your love but she doesn't want to be selfish to you."

Minji frowned as well, "How did you came up with such theory?" 

"Because I have a hanahaki for 3 years." The small girl simply said while staring at Yoohyeon's tombstone, "And she's the person I love even until now."

"So I was right? My eyes can see that you love her."

"Yeah, she's the only person who never noticed, and because I always pick a fight with her." She chuckled bitterly, "I told her my feelings for her before she died. It hurts, I always thought once she found the person she loves, I'll be the first one to die. My hanahaki will kill me, but I didn't expect her to be in the same page as me. And worst, she died first."

"H-how can you last for 3 years? I thought if you have that disease, you'll only last for weeks or months." Asked by confused Minji. 

"I thought the same but I guess I'm just lucky, I manage to control it and didn't let it control me. I only cough occasionally, not as often as Yoohyeon."

"Since when did you start to have feelings for her?"

"I like her ever since we're kids." Bora said, "But she always view me as bestfriend. That time, she's always telling me how scared she was that no one could ever love her. So I tell her we should just marry each other if we can't find the person who'll love us."

The small girl paused and sighed, "It's not a promise, but I meant it. I was holding on it, I fought my disease and decided to just wait for her. I don't even know if she can still remember what I said but yeah, she probably remember but she doesn't consider it anymore."

"It's... because of me, right?" Minji asked.

Bora nodded, "You came into the picture. And that's when things started to go wrong, mostly for Yoohyeon. That's why I hated you, because I felt like you took her away from me, all her attention was given to you and I warned her not to fall for you."

"S-sorry, I didn't intend to took her away from you."

"I know, I'm just being childish... and jealous. The year we met you was the year I figured that I love her, and that's also the time my hanahaki showed up."

"At first, I just wanted to be friends with her, nothing else." Minji stated as she closed her eyes, "The moment I changed the flowers I'm giving her, that's the start of me feeling things. I gave her flowers with meanings."

"I had a hunch." Bora chuckled, "I always ask Yoohyeon what kind of flower she received and then I'll search its symbolism."

"But she never knew the symbolism of the flowers I gave her, maybe if she knew, she'd never think I can't love her the same way."

"Yoohyeon..." Bora spoke, looking at Yoohyeon's tombstone, "You're really dumb sometimes. How come you never noticed that your two friends love you more than just a friend?" 

Minji chuckled a bit, "Yeah, why are you so oblivious, Yoohyeonie? Why did you think that no one can love you as much as you love them? It's not hard to love someone like you."

"Look at us, we're broken because you left." Bora said bitterly, "But even if you are so dumb, even if you are the dumbest person in the universe, my heart will always choose to love you."

Minji smiled on what she heard and chose to stay silent.

"I love you and I miss you my big clingy puppy! I need to go now because I think you would like to have a solo time with the love of your life." Bora chuckled and got up, "Go on, Minji. I'm giving you a space to talk with her."

"W-wait, do you still have a hanahaki?" 

Bora shook her head, "It's gone. When the person I love died, the flowers inside my chest died as well. But my feelings won't die and change..." She waved her hands, "Bye, Minji. I hope we can be friends."

Minji smiled and waved back, "I'd like to be friends with you too. Bye, Bora."

And when she was left all alone, she brushed her hands on the tombstone. 

"Hey dumb, are you here? I'm scared of ghosts but I'd love to feel your hug again." Minji sighed, "Like what Bora said, even if you are the dumbest person in the universe, you still have the both of us that will love you unconditionally."

"I failed to show my love when you're still alive, maybe it's too late to show it now. But they say it's better late than never."

She felt cold after saying those words, she shivered, "Yoohyeon... are you here? If you are, then I want to say that if we find each other in our next lives, I'll not waste time, I won't be coward, I won't stop my feelings. I won't let you sacrifice your life again."

She wiped the tears that fell from her eyes, "I love you so much, until my last breath... until we see each other again. It's hard to let go but I don't want to make it hard for you, so I'll try."

"Goodbye. See you again."


End file.
